Understanding Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief

Grief is a profound and personal experience that accompanies the loss of a loved one. In 1969, Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced a model outlining five stages of grief in her seminal work, On Death and Dying. These stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—have since become a foundational framework for understanding the grieving process.

1. Denial

The initial stage, denial, serves as a defence mechanism to buffer the immediate shock of loss. Individuals may struggle to accept the reality of the situation, leading to feelings of numbness or disbelief. This temporary response helps to protect the psyche from being overwhelmed as one begins to process the loss.

2. Anger

As the denial fades, the intensity of emotions can give rise to anger. This anger may be directed towards oneself, others, or even the deceased. Feelings of frustration and helplessness are common, and it’s important to recognise that expressing anger is a natural part of the healing journey.

3. Bargaining

In the bargaining stage, individuals often dwell on “what if” or “if only” statements, reflecting a desire to reverse or mitigate the loss. This stage represents an attempt to regain control and can involve negotiating with a higher power or ruminating over past actions.

4. Depression

The realisation of the loss’s permanence can lead to profound sadness, marking the depression stage. During this period, individuals may withdraw from life, feeling overwhelmed by the weight of their grief. It’s a time of reflection, where the full impact of the loss is deeply felt.

5. Acceptance

Reaching acceptance doesn’t imply that the pain of loss is gone but signifies a recognition of the new reality. Individuals come to terms with the fact that their loved one is physically gone and begin to find ways to move forward, integrating the loss into their lives.

Applying the Model

While Kübler-Ross’s model provides a valuable framework, it’s essential to understand that grief is not a linear process. Individuals may experience these stages in different orders, revisit certain stages, or feel multiple stages simultaneously. Each person’s journey through grief is unique, and there is no “right” way to grieve.

Critiques and Evolution

Over time, the five stages model has faced critiques for its perceived rigidity. Subsequent research has highlighted that grief is a more fluid and individualised experience than the model suggests. Despite this, Kübler-Ross’s work remains influential, offering a starting point for understanding the complex emotions associated with loss.

Support During Grief

At Integrity Funerals on the Gold Coast, we recognise the multifaceted nature of grief and are committed to providing compassionate support tailored to each individual’s needs. Our services extend beyond funeral arrangements; we offer resources and guidance to assist you through every stage of the grieving process.

Remember, it’s important to allow yourself to experience grief in your own way and seek support when needed. Whether through counselling, support groups, or leaning on friends and family, finding avenues to express and process your emotions can be instrumental in healing.

Grief is a testament to the love and connection shared with those we’ve lost. By understanding its stages and embracing the journey, we honour their memory and find our path toward healing.